by Ruby Beech
TOP WEDDING READINGS FOR SAME-SEX COUPLES (AND OTHERS)
“We’ve never been to a gay wedding before” said the grooms – “so we don’t know what to expect, what to include”. My reply was that a same-sex wedding ceremony is much the same as a mixed sex wedding ceremony. Just two people in love making a commitment which they intend to last a lifetime. And that is absolutely true. However I do know that some LGBT+ couples are still struggling with finding things which they feel reflect them and their relationship. From cake toppers to stationery to favours, much of what is out there is heavily geared to heterosexual couples.
Gender neutral wedding ceremony readings
This can be true when looking for wedding ceremony readings as well. There are lots of wedding readings which are gender neutral but there are also many which assume a bride and a groom with gender stereotypical roles. Of course many heterosexual couples don’t want to buy into that either.
What wedding ceremony readings and when to use them
When you are looking for wedding readings look for something which you both like. Something that fits your taste and life situation. Or trust a good friend to both choose the reading as well as read it at the ceremony. If you are a romantic couple choose a romantic reading. But if you are not at all romantic look for something down to earth or funny. If you are having more than one reading think carefully about where in the ceremony they will be. For instance, will they make most sense coming before or after the vows? Will they introduce the ceremony or draw it together at the end? You might also consider who is reading and whether or not they need to get it over with!
Where to find wedding ceremony readings
In a number of the same sex wedding ceremonies that I have conducted the couples have wanted to include traditional, spiritual or religious elements. That is just one reason why having an Independent Celebrant is helpful as it means you can include any content that you wish including Bible readings, hymns and prayers. Or spiritual elements from other belief system such as Paganism. If you want a non religious ceremony then choose readings that fit with that. Your readings help to set the tone for your ceremony. Some couples want to choose their readings from literature whilst others go to more contemporary sources such as films and songs. And of course if you are looking for a particular topic for a reading there is always the Internet – though sometimes you have to wade through a lot of unsuitable readings to get to one which works for you. 😊 It is your wedding – be sure to make choices which reflect who you are.
Some wedding readings chosen by same sex couples
Of course your Celebrant or Officiant is also a good source for readings. Not least when they are shared with me by those getting married. So here is a short selection of readings which are all gender neutral and have been part of ceremonies which I have conducted. You may want to look at other things which I have written about readings or pick up a copy of my freebie readings guide with some favourite readings. (Link here ).
by Ruby Beech
A big part of what I do is to help you think how to tell your story in your wedding ceremony
So, what’s your story?
One of the things I absolutely love about being a Celebrant is hearing people’s stories. And trying to ensure that their story is reflected throughout the ceremony – making it truly unique, personal and meaningful. This is true for all of the kinds of ceremonies that I do but there is a special place in my heart for telling a couple’s story in their wedding ceremony.
When you are planning your wedding try not to get so caught up in seat covers, favours and catering arrangements that you forget what it is all about. You might find it helpful to ask yourself some of the questions which I ask my couples so that you can find ways of telling your story during the whole day.
Where did it all begin?
You might have known each other since primary school or met on the Internet. Maybe you have a shared interest, were part of a group of friends or were invited to go on a blind date. Who are the significant people who have played a part in your relationship so far? Think about your fist date and what made you want to see each other again. Where did you go on that all important second date?
What have been the milestone moments in your relationship?
For you it may have been finding a shared interest or visiting a place you both loved. When did you know this was something really special? How did your friends and family react when they met your partner? What are the things about this person that you haven’t found in anyone else? Think about the things you first learned about each other when you first shared a home. Consider when marriage was first mentioned between you. Was their a proposal? How did that go and what was special about it? If you have chosen a home together think about the things you both liked and how you arrived at an agreement.
How have you developed as a couple?
Think about the things you each bring to your relationship and what you value about each other. Who is the best cook? What things drive you mad about the other? Where did you go on your first holiday together? How did your partner feel when they were introduced to your family and friends? What things do you have in common and what are the interests that you each bring to your relationship which have influenced the other?
Why is marriage important to you?
This isn’t just about the wedding – the day, this is about the commitment to each other in front of others. Why did you choose the wedding day that you have? Reflect on what things are important to you about it. Who are the people you really want to be there? Think about the values that you share, the things that make you who you are.
What are your hopes for the future?
Consider how you see your life going forward – your hopes and dreams. What is it about your partner that means you want to spend the rest of your life with them? Think about how life will be better as a team.
How will every element of your Ceremony reflect you and your story?
Once you have taken time to refresh your story in your minds together you will be better prepared to make sure your wedding ceremony and your whole day reflect who you are. If you are a couple who enjoy being outdoors, have you considered an outdoors wedding or a tipi wedding? Do you want something laid back and relaxed, where you can have your theme reflected in decor you choose, if so have you thought about a village hall wedding where you can have a blank canvas and the caterers of your choice? If you feel that you want your wedding to be more traditional, formal or sophisticated does your venue reflect that? All of these things can follow more easily once you remember what it is all about and the story you want to tell. What readings and music will you include in your ceremony? Are you going to write your own wedding vows? Do you have a particular style? Make sure every element tells your story. Think about how you can involve people in your Ceremony who have played key parts in your story.
One of my favourite reviews comes from a groom who said:
“When planning our wedding, the ceremony wasn’t at the forefront of our mind being a non-religious wedding. Thanks to Ruby it turned out to be the most memorable part of our day…and that’s not just because it was the only time I was sober! Ruby made everything so personal and listened to everything we said to make it to exactly what we wanted.”
This is an important day for you. Take time to think why it is important and let it tell your story in a unique, personal and meaningful way. If I can help you to think things through or to ensure you have an amazing ceremony – get in touch.
If you are thinking about how the readings in your Ceremony can help to tell your story why not sign up for my free guide to “Wedding readings to make your heart Zing” with a small collection of my favourites.
Ruby B Ceremonies Celebrant Free Wedding Readings Guide
by Ruby Beech
POPULAR READINGS FOR WEDDINGS IN 2018 part two
Readings which make your ceremony really “you”.
In the latter part of 2018 I have continued to love the weing readings which couples or their friends and family have chosen for their ceremonies. They have all helped the ceremony to be unique, personal and meaningful for the couple. Some readings have been romantic, whilst others have been funny or linked to the wedding theme. It’s important to choose a reading with that particular ceremony in mind. In July I shared the top wedding readings for me in the first half of the year which also included the busiest time of the year for ceremonies. Here I am looking back at the second half of the year and there are some more beauties.
Who chooses the reading and why.
It has been great to see more ceremonies where the readings have been chosen by friends or family of the couple as a popular trend. I never fail to be impressed with how much care they take in choosing. When they send them to me they always ask if I think they are alright as they recognise the privilege that they have been given. However some couples still want to choose their own readings as they may have a favourite one which they have always wanted at their wedding or it may be something which means a lot to both of them.
I enjoy adding to my collection of readings which I can share with couples as examples of what is around. However I am always impressed when they come up with something different. I will write separately on sources of readings.
I have attached a further 5 of the readings I have enjoyed this year below. If you read the earlier blog you will get my top ten. I hope they help to inspire you as you choose your wedding readings.
1 To love is not to possess by James Kavanaugh
This reading was chosen and read by the bride’s Godmother who she was very close to.
To love is not to possess,
To own or imprison,
Nor to lose one’s self in another.
Love is to join and separate,
To walk alone and together,
To find a laughing freedom
That lonely isolation does not permit.
It is finally to be able
To be who we really are
No longer clinging in childish dependency
Nor docilely living separate lives in silence.
It is to be perfectly one’s self
And perfectly joined in permanent commitment
To another – and to one’s inner self.
2 Touch the Air Softly by WilliamSmith Jay
The couple chose this reading and asked a friend to read it for them.
Now touch the air softly, step gently, one, two …
I’ll love you ’til roses are robin’s egg blue;
I’ll love you ’til gravel is eaten for bread,
And lemons are orange, and lavender’s red.
Now touch the air softly, swing gently the broom.
I’ll love you ’til windows are all of a room;
And the table is laid, And the table is bare,
And the ceiling reposes on bottomless air.
I’ll love you ’til heaven rips the stars from his coat,
And the moon rows away in a glass-bottomed boat;
And Orion steps down like a river below,
And earth is ablaze, and oceans aglow.
So touch the air softly, and swing the broom high.
We will dust the grey mountains, and sweep the blue sky:
And I’ll love you as long as the furrow the plough,
As however is ever, and ever is now.
3 All of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Nursery School. Based on the poem All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten by Robert Fulghum
This reading was chosen and read by the Groom’s sister bearing in mind that the bride was a teacher.
Wisdom was not at the top of the school mountain, but there in the sand tray at nursery. These are the things I learned…
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush. Biscuits and warm milk are good for you. Give them to someone who feels sad.
Learn things and think things and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day.
Take a nap every afternoon. Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.
And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
4 Marriage (Anon)
This reading was chosen by the mother of one of the grooms. The other mother chose a more serious piece and so this gave a lovely contrast.
Marriage is about giving and taking
And forging and forsaking
Kissing and loving and pushing and shoving
Caring and sharing and screaming and swearing
About being together whatever the weather
About being driven to the end of your tether
About sweetness and kindness
And wisdom and blindness
It’s about being strong when you’re feeling quite weak
It’s about saying nothing when you’re dying to speak
It’s about being wrong when you know you are right
It’s about giving in, before there’s a fight
It’s about you two living as cheaply as one
(you can give us a call if you know how that’s done!)
Never heeding advice that was always well meant
Never counting the cost until it’s all spent
And for you two today it’s about to begin
And for all that the two of you had to put in
Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness
Too late you’ll discover that marriage is madness!
5 Bob Marley on love:
This reading was chosen by the groom’s mother who changed the gender a little to address it first of all to her son.
She is not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together – but if she can make you laugh, cause to think twice and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.
She may not be thinking about your every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyse and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she is not there.
If you want to see the earlier blogpost on readings from 2018 follow this link
or click here to get in touch for your unique, personal and meaningful ceremony
by Ruby Beech
5 THINGS YOU NEED TO DECIDE NOW YOU ARE ENGAGED
Congratulations – you’re engaged. Maybe you have been talking about your wedding for years and know every detail of how your big day will be. But if not, here are some big questions to ask yourself before you get down to the detailed planning.
Why?
Why do you want to get married? What is important to you about a wedding? Could you describe in a sentence or two why you are doing this? If you can then this can be your “mission statement” to measure your other decisions against.
You may well be looking at a very different wedding if your answer is “To give our relationship legal standing and be recognised as each others’ next of kin” than if it is “To bring together all of our family and friends to celebrate the amazing life long love which we have found” or “To make a public declaration of our love, building on the traditions and culture of our families and providing a stable basis for our own children”.
One couple in the USA had “Our wedding will serve as a time for our friends and family to reconnect with us, get to know one another, and enjoy a happy weekend in the Texas Hill Country.”* A “Mission Statement” by one of my couples is in the picture above. Don’t overthink this but go for a walk or curl up on the sofa and decide why you want to have a wedding so you can avoid getting caught up in too many other people’s expectations.
Who?
Who needs to be there for your wedding to be the occasion you want it to be? If you just want to be legally married then it may be that just the two of you will be there with two witnesses who may be friends or just a couple of random people you persuade to help you out. You may just get married at your local Registrar’s office and let people know by posting it on Facebook. Or you may “elope” to Gretna Green or go abroad combining your wedding with a holiday.
If you want a big family wedding make a note of all the people you would want to have there. It can be helpful to have 3 categories – maybe, must have, love to have, happy to have if we have room. (Think about friends of your parents or children – are there any people you need to consider even if they don’t make the final cut?) Think about friends who you are both close to who you want to celebrate with you and others who one of you may know or the people you work with.
You may want to think about who you want to invite to be a part of your wedding such as Best Man or Bridesmaids – you may want to ask longstanding close friends at an early stage but you don’t need to do this straight away. You may find it easier to identify who shares your excitement once you have had a few conversations about the wedding, especially if the wedding is a couple of years away.
What?
Now you have ideas of your why and who you want to be there you will have a clearer idea of what you want to plan. Is it going to be a very private affair where you go off to somewhere like Gretna Green or Las Vegas or a beautiful deserted seashore or in your own garden? Is it going to be a traditional wedding which will include cultural or religious elements? Is it going to be a small personal ceremony with close family and friends followed by a meal with lots of chat? Is it going to be a festival style celebration with tipis and bands and camping? Is it going to have some elements of tradition but with your own personal twists? Do you want the ceremony and the reception/party to be in the same place?
A good way to think about what you want is for each of you to write down 3 things that you would really like to have as part of your wedding. Then show these to each other and try to get a top three that you both agree on. When we got married my husband’s big ask was that we have live music with a band so we made sure that happened.
Another element to include here is what kind of budget will you be looking at and whether you will be paying for it all yourselves or can expect some help from family. Remember that when others are contributions they may want a say in what kind of wedding you have and what you spend their money on!
Where?
Now you have some ideas about who you would like to celebrate with you and what things you want to include, you can start to think about where you want to hold your wedding. If you are going to get married in another country you need to find out if there are any legal restrictions and you may want to get a travel agent or a destination wedding planner to help you.
If you want to get married nearer home you should consider what is important to you. Do you have a dream of a fairy tale castle or of a Glastonbury style vibe. If you have elderly people attending or those with disabilities or children – are there things you need to take into account? Are there any unusual places near you that host events such as art galleries or museums but aren’t licensed for weddings? If you still want to have your Ceremony there you can do the legal bits with a Registrar or a Minister of Religion and then have a Celebrant to take your Ceremony anywhere. (Including licensed premises).
Your numbers will affect what is possible for your venue as will your budget. So will the availability of your venue so it is good to ring and ask how far in advance they are booked. And in turn this will affect the next question – when?
When?
You may want to enjoy being engaged and just save a little before setting a date. People will ask you when you are thinking of so have an answer you both agree on even if it is “not for at least three years”. Factors like budget and how determined you are to have particular things as part of your wedding can affect when your wedding will be. But you may also have an elderly grandparent who you would love to have there and so not want to leave the wedding too long. Popular venues and suppliers often get booked up well in advance so that can also affect decisions about dates. You may have a special date that you would love to get married on. Or you may have other circumstances that will influence your decision.
Weddings are often on a Saturday as fewer people work on Saturdays and they also get Sunday to recover and/or travel. However it can make a big difference to your budget to go for a weekday. If you are considering that you need to recognise that if you have teachers in the family or school age children you want to involve, you may want to look at school holidays. Sundays can be good, especially in front of a Bank Holiday Monday. Your venue of choice may have limitations. If you want your wedding ceremony to be outside it is best to avoid the winter months (although a plan B is always helpful for the weather any time of the year in the UK.
This list isn’t exhaustive of course but gives you a good base for questions to ask yourself. Once you know the answers to these you are well on your way to planning your wedding. Enjoy!
* https://apracticalwedding.com/wedding-planning-mission-statement/
For more advice on all things wedding ceremony see The Blog.
by Ruby Beech
SING A SONG – IT CAN MAKE YOUR DAY
When a couple are getting married there are many options available to them for their ceremony. Music is something that most couples include in some way. If you are having a Church wedding you would usually include one or more hymns. You can also include hymns in a Celebrant led wedding. (I will write a separate blogpost about choosing hymns.) Singing a song or hymn together can be a very uplifting experience and allows family and friends to contribute to the occasion. However, you may want a non-traditional, humanist or non-religious wedding ceremony without hymns but with singing, or one of you may want a hymn and the other would like people to sing together, but would prefer a well known love song. It’s not for everybody but if you love to sing then sing a song – it really can make your day!
So what kind of song works best?
Well, that depends on you! What kind of music do you and your partner like? How about your friends and family? Are they likely to sing whether they know the song or not? Or does it need to be something really, really well known. The most important thing is that it’s easy to sing. Choose a song with a good rhythm. Songs with choruses work well as even the most nervous singers are likely to start joining in on the second chorus!
What can we do to encourage people to sing?
It is really hard to get a group of people to sing a whole song without accompaniment as they are likely to go out of time pretty quickly. A backing track or full recording or live music are pretty essential.
If you have someone (or a group of people) who has a good voice and knows the song then get them to lead the singing. It will help people to stay to time – and some may even keep in tune!
However well known you think a song is it will go better if the lyrics are provided. A lot of us think we know songs but then find we forget what words come next after the first verse so print them out for people or put them up on a screen.
Get your officiant to encourage people to sing in advance. If they feel that they are doing it for you and that people joining in is much more important than them being in tune, people are more likely to let go and sing a song for you.
My top ten Wedding Ceremony singalong songs to date
All you need is love – The Beatles
Can you feel the love tonight? – Elton John
One Love – Bob Marley
Walking on Sunshine – Katrina and the waves
Happy – Pharrell Williams
I’m a believer – The Monkees
Can’t help falling in love – Elvis Presley
Cheek to Cheek – Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett
Love changes everything – from Aspects of Love
Don’t stop believing – Journey
So have a think about what song your tribe could sing together and set it up – it really can make your day.
Get in touch to find out how you can have the wedding ceremony of your dreams
Hear from some of our happy clients
by Ruby Beech
HOW A UNITY CANDLE CAN LIGHT UP YOUR CEREMONY
Lighting a Unity Candle can be a really fabulous symbol of what your ceremony is all about. In Weddings – two become one. For Vow Renewals – two remain one. And in Naming ceremonies – family becomes one.
You can get candles made to match your theme, colour scheme etc or you can use a plain candle or decorate one yourself. There is plenty of choice. I’m going to focus here on lighting a Unity Candle in a Wedding Ceremony but the basics are similar for other ceremonies. Feel free to get in touch if you have any questions.
Two become one.
The key symbolism of two becoming one comes from the couple each taking a lit candle (representing themselves as individuals) and joining the flames together to light a new unity candle signifying their shared life going forward. It can be quite straightforward. Some people then blow out the individual candles so that they focus on the shared journey. I have to admit that I prefer to leave the individual candles lit to show that individuals who people fell in love with are still there with all their gifts and individuality!
The individual candles can be lit by someone representing each family – for example the mothers. Or they can be lit by a friend of each of the couple.
Family involvement
Unity Candle symbolism can be extended to include more of the heritage form which each of the couple comes. For instance at this recent wedding there were four candles which represented each of the parents of the couple. The parents each lit those candles from a “pilot” tea light and brought them together as a pair to light the individual candle representing their child. The couple then used their candles to light the unity candle.
If children are part of the family coming together then the couple can light a candle representing each child from the Unity Candle. This shows that they are both committed to each child whether they are the children of the couple together or part of a blended family.
Community involvement
The idea of each person at the ceremony being part of the couple’s wider community can also be marked using a Unity Candle. The couple (and sometimes the Celebrant) light smaller candles which are then passed out to those attending the ceremony. These can also be used as wedding favours. Alternatively everyone can have an unlit candle given to them on the way in and then the Unity Candle used to light the candles of the front row who turn to light those on the next row and so on until all are lit. You can of course decide who you want to include and how (particularly if there are a lot of people at the wedding).
The words which are used in the ceremony are written to suit the couple and exactly who they are including in this part of the ceremony. It is a really lovely symbolism and there are lots of places to buy beautiful candles if you wish. Your Celebrant can often recommend some that they have used before.
Make sure you have Your Ceremony Your Way with symbolism that makes your Ceremony unique, personal and meaningful for you.
see The Blog for other Ceremony suggestions or
